Crucio, you spoilers!

What’s a muggle blogger to do?

I’ve got problems. It’s hard to type with one finger on the remote “mute” button. It’s hard to blog when I cannot watch the news or read news sites or blogs.

You see, I am a Harry Potter devotee. There’s a spot on my bookcases waiting for book seven, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” to arrive. So, why would a person unable to read books order a book? To keep the other six company.

I read the first three books, “The Sorcerer’s Stone,” “The Chamber of Secrets” and “The Prisoner of Azkaban.” I listened to the next three on books for the visually impaired, “The Goblet of Fire,” “The Order of the Phoenix” and “The Half-Blood Prince.”

I have the first three movies on videotape, the fourth on DVD, and have watched them all, wonderfully described, on “movies for the blind,” compliments of the State Library.

What’s a devotee to do when she must wait for months on a “talking book” of the final installment of J. K. Rowling’s magical epic - all the while avoiding plot revelations?

My friend Shari offered to call long distance and read the book to me. Now, that’s a friend!

At midnight, the book goes on sale. Amazon.com has promised mine tomorrow. Yet, even now, because of leaked copies, every media outlet is trying to spoil things for me – and about a kajillion other fans.

Short of moving to a small Pacific island, how am I going to avoid hearing “The Deathly Hallows” ending, the characters who die, and Harry’s destiny?

There’s never a port key around when you need one!

The media nitwits who want to ruin this experience – this rite of passage which has lasted several years – could at least announce that a spoiler is coming.

Since Wednesday night, I’ve almost been broadsided with what might have been story details, but I’m quick on the draw with the remote.

We’re talking “dead serious” here! (No pun intended on the loss of a favorite character in the fifth book.)

Who would want to watch “Citizen Kane” knowing what “Rosebud” is? Who would want to know the secret of “The Crying Game”?

So, I’m beginning a self-imposed “news blackout” today – until the hype dies down.

Maybe faithful readers could email me if something really, really big happens, say Cheney is impeached and Bush resigns.

* “Crucio” - The Cruciatus Curse inflicts severe physical pain. One of the three Unforgivable Curses. The use of this spell against another human being is punishable by a life sentence in Azkaban.


Anonymous said...

According to the Senior Literary Correspondent on "The Daily Show," Harry Potter is beheaded. Of course, he then went on to report that it was Vice President Cheney who did it, by accident.
Since now you know the truth, end the silence and get back to blogging!

Verboten said...

"Very interesting, but not so amusing."

Anonymous said...

Reporter's headline is: Colon Spy Found Head - Believed To Be That of George W. Bush.

Sir Cumspect said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Got the address, so you can delete!
My name is Susan Karnow, by the way. I guess I should come up with something farther away from anonymous than anon. I certainly wouldn't want to be credited with some of the comments I read. Beheaded! Ha! The Middle Eastern touch, how timely.
I saw the book, and it's really thick--a lot of story. I haven't read them, and maybe I should. Back when I was a late teen I read the Trilogy and was totally absorbed. Maybe this message will go through, and I won't feel vitually illiterate today.

Sir Cumspect said...

Nice to meet you! By all means, read the HP books. They are wonderful. For my money, Rowlings has more imagination than Stephen King and Tolkien (don't tell Frodo I said that). Your comment came through loud and clear, and I thank you for calling my attention to the fact that I had the "verification code" engaged. I hate those things! Some I cannot see, so am blocked by them. Email any time you like. AND, Frodo needs to give you a fellowship name!

Sir Cumspect said...

P.S. Frodo wrote the "beheaded" comment. He was just joking, egging me to get back to blogging. I will in a while - I've been cleaning and listening to books on tape. Nice. I'm working my way through all of Charles Dickens' books.

Anonymous said...

Not to disturb your time with Dickens, I just check in to see when you will re-appear on the scene with a comment. Eowyn--I have to use the name sparingly til I figure out how to pronounce it.